I have finally worked out, after many years, why I eat too much. It came to me whilst I was reading about someone else’s (ultimately successful) weight loss attempts. She realised that food didn’t love her like she loved it, and she cracked her habit. I read that and thought, ‘that’s not why I eat food. I’m not bothered that it doesn’t love me back, I’m just happy that it’s there.’ I overeat because I feel lonely. Despite some good friends and a plentiful family (they have their quirks, but which family doesn’t) I often feel totally on my own and worry that if I do find company they’ll get fed up with me quickly. Food is there, it makes no demands, and it settles the nervous worry in my stomach. Admittedly I often manage to replace the nervous worry with an uncomfortable fullness – which then in turn leads to guilt and self hatred – but at least I’m not feeling lonely.

Now I just have to work out how to remove my reliance. I’m not sure that I can ever manage to feel sufficiently emotionally secure but for the past year my subconscious has been niggling at me to do pilates. I think it’s suggesting that if I am physically stronger that feeling will rub off on me mentally. Over the years, as I have worked on being a more sorted person, I have come to have great faith in my subconscious. Unfortunately I don’t have much confidence when it comes to exercise. I have a pilates DVD (only £1 from the supermarket bargain basket!) but so far all I’ve managed to do is watch it while doing the ironing. I need to work on this.

Enough of the navel gazing. Here’s a happy place; Harlyn Bay in Cornwall. Really beautiful, great swimming and surfing and fabulous rock pools when the tide is out. And it’s dog friendly all year round.

That’s middle son with Sparky, who had a great time pulling skids on the sand.

I love to go up on the headland and watch the sea crashing on to the rocks on the far side, making milky-white frothy, foamy wavelets.

Firstborn son was having a teenage strop at one point (can’t remember why) so he went off with third and final son to do some rock scrambling.

 

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