I’ve been absent because I’m on a research project deadline. Bascially, if I don’t get a huge amount of stuff done in the next two weeks I might as well forget about it. This was a mutual decision between supervisor and self, as my life isn’t going to get any quieter, and I’m still struggling to get really enthusiastic about this project. It’s interesting, and I love searching for relevant papers, but then I panic about designing the questionnaire, and running the analysis, and writing it up, and I get precisely nowhere.

To be honest, I really don’t know if I can be bothered. I do have a big fear of failure, which can stop me even thinking about doing something if I think it’s unlikely to succeed, but I don’t think it’s just that. I’ve got family to think about, and run around after, and given that I hate job hunting so much the MSc is unlikely to make much difference to my career prospects – I just take the path of least resistance, which means I’ll stick with developing what I’m doing now. I used to want to go into research, but I honestly think I’m more of a people person – I like the interaction I get from teaching people skills and stuff.

But anyway, I’ve got two weeks so I might as well keep on putting one foot in front of the other and see where I get to. If nothing else, I will understand more about attribution and medical error. I’ve cut down on many small commitments – and I’m not taking Sparky so far afield to walk her – so that I can immerse myself in my subject, but I’m going to try to remember to stick pics on here in my (self-appointed) lunch hour.

I’m praying for inspiration and motivation.

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