I’m 41. I’m supposed to be way past angst. I’m supposed to be confident, knowing who I am and what I want. I’m supposed to have made peace with my body and worked out my relationship with food. My student debts should be paid off and my pension plan well under way. I’m supposed to be having a damned good decade before the real decline starts. Instead I’m still on a hormonal roller coaster – I’m managing to keep the hyper periods in check but controlling the total misery is beyond me – I’m still getting fatter, don’t have a clue what I’m doing, where I’m going or what my life goal is, and it hurts so blooming much every time I get a little knockback. Don’t even ask me about the financial situation.

To top it all, I have a spot on the back of my neck which is so big it’s a goddamned boil. What happened to skin getting drier as you aged? Or is that just confined to round my eyes?

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